What’s The Best Way To Get Your Ex Back?
David here with Core of Confidence. Today we’re talking about how to get your ex back. This is a controversial and counterintuitive approach. So recently I have seen an uptick and guys that are contacting me and are booking a call with me to see if I can help them with their dating and love life situation. And I’m seeing a higher number, more than usual of guys that are wanting to get their ex back (ex girlfriend, ex fiance, ex wife) type of scenario. And I understand where they’re coming from. I’ve been there. You have loving feelings for this particular woman and it’s been weeks, months, or years that you haven’t moved on or tried to move on with other women but she’s always at the top of your mind somehow. Or you’re comparing pretty much every woman to her and you think they’re not the same and it’s not working and you feel like it’s going to work with her even though she’s the one who ended it and it did not work out. It’s usually not mutual and it’s usually not you. Sometimes it can be but that’s a very low percentage. It’s usually that she called it off and it didn’t work on that level and you still want her back. So this is where it gets counter-intuitive. And this is where a lot of you aren’t going to like it. Some of you will get hit hard with the truth here. What I see is the best way to do this, to have the possibility of re-attracting her into your life. And that is, you actually have to let her go emotionally. That doesn’t mean that she’s completely cut out of your life but it does mean that you aren’t having a primary focus of “she’s the one” on your mind. Because if you haven’t noticed already, recently you are in a situation. What will happen is, maybe you’ll not stay in touch for a while, you’ll feel like things are on a positive uptick in terms of how you’re relating to it. It doesn’t mean that she’s highly interested, although you may read it that she’s interested again but you’ll be getting those feel-good feelings, maybe chatting on a very and having fun on a very friendly level. And you’re like “okay, maybe this can happen again”. And then what happens is, you start to chase her, invite her out. Or maybe you’ll get together but it never moves forward again in a romantic direction. Or if it does happen, it happens it’s just a blip. But that’s pretty rare. And then you’ll find out she’ll start talking to some guys that she likes that’s going to get into trouble. And then, you’ll be that shoulder to cry on, a friend in that sense. And the whole thing just stays in a limbo / ping-pong, or ping-pong, limbo. And you keep thinking and hoping and wishing and waiting that it’ll turn around and just lose over and over. Weeks, months, years even. I had a guy who reached out to me that had a relationship 4 years ago, he still badly wants to get back together. So the strategy here is the same, whether you’re still in love with your ex, still have strong feelings for her or you’re single and looking to attract the right woman in your life, it’s all the same. A guy who has that vibe, that women find irresistible, doesn’t behave like that. Women are attracted fundamentally to the guy that behaves like that and it’s probably why their relationship, I’m not saying entirely, didn’t work out in the first place because of that behavior on a particular guy’s end. This is where you have to be really honest with yourself if you’re doing that. And hopefully you’re going to hear this as some “wake up advice” that you’ve got to find a way to get beyond her in order to actually have the possibility of attracting her back. It doesn’t mean you will but I’ve worked with guys in this kind of situation before as clients. By the way, it doesn’t have to be just an ex. It’s any particular girl that you really have feelings for and that there’s a cat-and-mouse going on, it’s really not going anywhere. Maybe you got together once romantically, intimately, but then it really didn’t really go beyond that or it went to a certain point and it really didn’t go any further. And then there’s this back-and-forth, you’re still in touch, maybe grab drinks sometimes, whatever it is/But it never moves forward. You just keep hoping, hoping, hoping. There’s a guy in particular that I worked with that had a girl and he realized he couldn’t solely focus on her and he really had to be genuine about letting her go.So he learned to come from a place of “okay, she’s in the mix” but it sure would to be nice to have a girl like her.That’s fine! That means a guy is at the point of more than willing to let that individual girl. Okay, she has good characteristics. Great! Because there are a lot of women out there who are going to be like that. And what he found was that he got more confident in himself, stopped chasing and pursuing women so much, still without interacting or meeting women socially. And then women started coming towards him and he kind of led the way. I still got to be that leader. What he found was, the light that he saw her in shifted and he goes “whoa! I had these rose-colored glasses on that I was missing other things that weren’t necessarily a fit”And then it just became “okay well, I’m not really attracted to her anymore.” Because he was also upgrading not only himself but what he deserved, to see what he really deserved in something along the lines of being something that was healthier and more balanced in a relationship or on the way to a relationship. That led him to see he was ignoring certain things that weren’t a fit of her personality characteristics, habits and such.This is very typical to happen because right the common point of attraction is you, is me, is whoever in our relationships. Oftentimes, we can get into this co-dependent mode when we get into that state or we get into that state of “she’s the one” but it doesn’t work.There’s a lot of projection going on typically. Meaning that a guy will project and see her as she’s perfect when she’s not. Neither you and neither am I. And an overlook of the things that didn’t work and “chase, chase, chase,” and she’s still going to run away. Still not going to work on that and even if you get back together it’s pretty likely it wouldn’t be a healthy relationship because there are reasons it didn’t work in the first place. I’m a big believer in having that fit right from the start – or right as possible from the start. This isn’t about perfection but too often I see with guys, I’ve seen it with me in the past, I’ve seen it with my friends even recently men and women are jumping into a relationship, diving in, sex is great. Initially, they get along and then the stuff starts to creep up and the house keys are exchanged quickly , you leave the toothbrush over here. It’s way too fast to be getting serious like that!When they don’t really know each other and they don’t really know if they’re a fit especially on the personality characteristics and qualities and values. So again, it’s not comfortable to hear this but it’s what I found to be really true and a lot of guys who have helped. I love a line from that song by Sting “If you love somebody you set them free.” You’ve really got to set them free and really set yourself free and it is possible to re-attract her but it’s got to be a “letting go of her” in that relationship genuinely and honestly and see if she’ll come running back. Also take an honest look at “does she really match the qualities that I want?”Because then when you’re in a position of abundance and using what I call a many-to-one strategy which is why “focusing on this one” or “this one will be it” or “she’s the one I like before”. Without being in a position of seeing a few women at once at least initially and not as a jerk and not as a player or anything like that but if you don’t come from that position, you actually come from a place of more neediness and scarcity because you’re putting all of your eggs in one basket. For any of you that owns businesses it’s like, “Oh, there’s this one client, I have to get that one client or customer.” If you have a job search, “I’ve got to get this one job.” And you have come from that position, “I must get this one job!” And you come from desperation and neediness then that’s a problem and it’s pretty likely you may not get the job. It can depend but a lot of times it would be pretty likely that you won’t. Because people like to be around people that value themselves, have a backbone, and have a spine and aren’t just so easy, say “Oh yeah, I’ll do whatever you want.” That’s what you’re doing when you’re, “I’ll do anything to get her back.” And then any strategy and mistake guys make is, even the stuff I teach here about having a vibe, the irresistible vibe, magnetic vibe and all that, is it’s just a strategy to get her back and that won’t work. It’s not genuine, it’s not you actually being willing to go for the highest and best for yourself which could be her but it could be another woman that could be the same level or better. Like I said with the story of the gentleman I just told you about. He was like, “wow, she really wasn’t a fit,” once he started to really upgrade himself, his vibe, attracting women in more the right types and everything took off from there. So that’s how I see it. That’s the straight juice from me today. I hope that helps you. I hope it wakes you up to the truth of how you really need to approach this so that you can have the highest and best that you deserve in dating and loving relationships because that’s what I believe in, is having that 10 out of 10 love life for your version of that, your perfect 10. There is no “the perfect 10.” Everybody has their own perfect 10 or perfect fit, I don’t even like to say perfect 10 necessarily. What matters is finding right fit for YOU in a relationship with your ideal match.
I hope you enjoyed the video above and that it helped you out! Make sure to watch it all the way through. After watching it, I’ve got a question for you:
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